


GTHB 3/25 - Save me

by Blanketempress



Series: Good Things Happen Bingo [3]
Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, angst with fluff at least I think so, anja is made of angst and spite and anger so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 17:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19361506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blanketempress/pseuds/Blanketempress
Summary: I'm glad ppl can't really be kicked out of Good Things Happen Bingo bc I deserve to be





	GTHB 3/25 - Save me

You agreed to meet with Julia near the park, one more fruitless meeting can’t kill you. It helps keep her suspicions low and it keeps you up to date with the Rangers’ activity. Oh of course she doesn’t like talking about work when it’s “just the two of you” but you still manage to pick the global mood, understand how tensed things have been, how unable to work together the Rangers still are.

It’s the brainwaves that tell you something is wrong before you can see, hear or smell it. Happy busy buzzing, a crowd of happy people. Fun fair. You stop right on your tracks and groan, loudly. It only makes Julia laugh.

“I swear I didn’t know.”

You almost believe her. Almost. You pull on your sleeves and raise your shoulders square, frowning. “I hate crowds.”

“Oh come on, you loved the mirrors maze last time we went there!”

The stern look she receives does not shake her confidence.

You went there, yes. An eternity ago. Stumbled upon it by acciden, you spent the whole day running like teenagers, from stalls to games, trying to win worthless toys. You discovered cotton candy, candied apples, haunted houses and bumper cars. You were a bit too efficient in the shooting stalls, you had to miss a couple times on purpose to avoid angry glares. You still won one of these huge plushies that apparently were every little girl’s dream. It was a purple teddy bear that Julia called MrPeanuts.

And there was the mirrors maze. You found it fascinating. Smokes obscuring the view in some places, seeing yourself reflected all around, invisible glass walls preventing you from following the red line you saw painted on the ground, that led to the exit.

The smell of sugar and greasy food brings you back to your senses and you realize you’re almost there. There’s a grim look on your face. Keeping an eye on Ortega never included such a waste of time. She makes a move to take your arm like she used to but you flinch, slipping away from her. She backs off, a sorry smile on her lips.

“I thought, maybe you could use some fun.” she looks down for a second then back at the fair, a soft smile on her lips. “I feel like I haven’t heard you laugh at all since we met again.”

You flash a smile, an almost haughty smirk. She did hear you, more than once. Heard Retribution’s victorious laughter while she bled at your feet. You still manage to erase the vicious expression you were wearing to take a more neutral one. You even manage a happy smile. Surely she sees how fake it is but she’ll make up an excuse for that. Pretend that you’re tired, that you’re depressed and trying.

The thought is pleasant as usual, to think that she’s leading her new nemesis by the hand, through the crowded alleys. To think that she doesn’t know of your shooting stall, a very real one without purple bears and balloons, one where you hung her picture along with all her friends’. It’s pleasant, so why not keep pretending to be a tamed puppy instead of a half feral dog no one managed to kick enough so it’d stop trying to bite.

You follow her to the haunted house. It looks so fake, all the magic it held a decade ago is gone, you see pitiful puppets made of latex, jump scares barely managing a couple times to make your feet move to a fighting stance. Julia offered her arm, as if she was your very own shield against these imaginary threats. You didn’t take it, keeping your hands in your pockets.

She must have picked your lack of interest, the slight annoyance rising when she offered to try to make the spinning cups spin so fast you’d get kicked out of the fair. Instead she brings back two candied apples, stating that these are meant to be shared. You raise an eyebrow, a faint smile spreading on your lips.

“I thought you’d rather not share yours, so I bought two.” she ads with a shrug.

“Didn’t know you liked junk like that.”

“Ah, it’s more about the memories and the tradition. Can’t come to the fair without eating anything way too greasy or sugary, that’d be treason.”

You walk side by side in silence for a while, chewing on red caramel and the cheap, off-ground grown apple. You both stop near the ferris wheel.

“How did they get clearance to build that thing here.” Just one small quake and the whole wheel would probably crumble down. Or just one good kick from a villain in suit. The thought makes you smile.

“It’s just temporary. And they got good at taking the quakes into account.” She beams and you know she’s about to say something stupid “Want to see the world from up above?”

“Absolutely not.”

Ten minutes later you’re seated in the glass cabin, arms crossed and wondering how this happened. You hate height. How did Julia manage to make you agree for this.

“If I throw up, it’s all on you”, you warn her, already gripping on the edge of your seat. Just one small quake and the whole thing crumbles down. Shattered glass, the ground getting too close too fast. You close your eyes for a second.

This time there’s concern on her face when you glance at her. “You didn’t have to indulge you know? I didn’t realize you had it this bad.”

“What part of “absolutely not” did you not get?”

A hint of shame, almost guilt, and she gets defensive. “Anja, do you have any idea how hard you are to read? You keep saying “no” and “fuck off”.”

“Maybe I really do mean “no, fuck off”.”

“Then why are you here?”

You’re about to snap back and escape the hand she put on your shoulder, but the wheel started to shake, slowly going up with a creaking sound. Suddenly Julia being a bit too close is very welcome.

It takes a good part of the trip up for you to calm down enough to be able to think. Now you can see the town, from up above, reminding you of all the times some flyers thought it was a good idea to pick you up. Sentinel, who once even went as far as picking you off the streets while you were in civilian clothes, stating that there was an emergency. Herald, who got punched in the face for daring to touch you. Just to think of Herald pisses you off. He’s too much like Julia. Always concerned, always sticking his nose in things he couldn’t understand if he tried to put his few braincells to work. The difference between Herald and Julia, the only reason why Julia didn’t end up with a bloodied nose, is that you don’t care for Herald at all.

You hold your breath a second, releasing it in a sigh.

You don’t care for Herald. You care for Julia.

Why are you here? Because you want to. Because you want her close to you. Because you want her though you know you can’t have her, but you will be damned if you don’t play pretend and find it sweet.

Why are you doing this? The question is your own this time. Annoyance is gone, you glance at the city spreading at your feet, the city you swore to burn to the ground. Not that it would matter. People would come back, would build it all over from scratch like they did a dozen times before.

What do you want? That one makes you chuckle. What do you want.

You rub your eyes with your sleeve, pretending that there are no tears.

There’s worry on her face when you look at her face. It doesn’t matter suddenly where you are, what you’re doing. You look into her eyes for real, dropping all your shields for the first time in forever.

“I think I need help…” your voice is merly a whisper.

Rage rises as soon as you say that, you don’t let Julia reach for you, you don’t let her bring you in a hug, you get up and move away. Not like you can get too far. Your breath is short, you pretend that the burning sensation in your throat is due to righteous anger. You prented that you’re not shaking and you slam your fist on the metal skeleton of the glass cage you locked yourself in with her. Pain. Pain is grounding.

“Anja!” Concern, confusion. You don’t need to read her mind to feel it radiating from her.

What was she thinking when she brought you here. What was she thinking. How could she believe that you could ever heal, that she would be able to help. You could fight her, here and now. Throw her out. Or you could jump.

Shattered glass, ground getting too close too fast.

The wheel starts moving down, you almost lose balance, and you look down. Your legs give up under you, Julia catches you before you fall to the floor of the cabin. She helps you to sit back on the seats, holding your arm, trying to sooth you but afraid that you’ll snap at her and bite. Julia, with her strong hands and eternal self assurance, now so unsure of how to act. Because of you. You wrap your arms around her, sobbing on her shoulder.

“Why am I like this.” Why did they make you to be like this.

There’s no answer. This time she does not argue, doesn’t try to push you to go see someone, doesn’t pressure you to talk. She holds you and pats your back, runs a hand in your hair. Pressing you a bit too close, a bit too strongly.

The ride comes to an end, you manage to put yourself back together enough that nothing shows on your face. Neutral expression, slight annoyance.

You feel empty, more than you ever did.

“Do you want to crash at my place? I think we’re done here. And you look like you need a drink.”

This time you agree, nodding, staring into nothing.

Did this stupid trip bring back a shard of Sidestep? Of how “Anja” used to be? You really hope not. But there are weird ideas bubbling, some things close to regrets, some things close to remorse. A voice telling you that you’re on the right path to crash and burn, like you wanted. But you could still take a turn. There is still time to pick something else.

You shake your head. The only other solution would be giving up. You can’t afford weakness, you can’t afford to stop.

Julia’s flat is welcoming, quiet and familiar. You crash on the couch with a groan, taking all the space without shame.

“Beer or something stronger?”

“Beer will do.”

She comes to the couch and you sit up, barely looking at her when you cling the bottles, not answering to her “cheers”. You drink but it’s not enough to calm you down completely, just enough to bring a slight sense of safety. So you keep staring at your feet, ignoring Julia, ignoring how tired she looks, how much older you make her look in that moment by just being you, by how stubbornly she clings on the ghost of Sidestep.

“Jules?”

“Hum?”

Words get stuck in your throat. What could you say? That you’re Retribution, that you killed dozens of people, dozens of heroes? That you beat her up hard enough that it took her almost two months to recover? That you were about to kill her when Argent stopped you?

Instead you cling on her arm, bring her closer to hide your face against her neck, feeling her warmth and her heartbeat. She takes your hand and plays with your hair, like she did a thousand years ago.

Now you can see it clearly. You want her to stop you. She has to be the one to bring you down. Not Steel, not anyone else. So you close your eyes and you start hoping. That she will fight you again, that she will win. That she will stop you, save you.

Before you know it you fall asleep with your head on her shoulder, her hand in yours.


End file.
